she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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