wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
