Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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