ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
