I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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