Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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