Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
