I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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