he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize