I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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