how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
