he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
