The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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