Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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