I am puke
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
