This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
