Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
