R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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