My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
