i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
