if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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