I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
