If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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