Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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