Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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