pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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