My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
smell my finger.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
