Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize