if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
