He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
This house was built for laser tag.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
