would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
