dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
