he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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