Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
