I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
