at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
