I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
