Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
