Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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