my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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