once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I love you. Go after that dick
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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