I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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