Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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