____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
