thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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