you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I need to wash the frat house off of me
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