Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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