it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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