i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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