i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
