they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize