speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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