it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
