a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
