I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
