My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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