i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
