If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
