i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
As shirtless as possible
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
