why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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