Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
