It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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