I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
