when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
