so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
