My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
