APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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