We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
