I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
