I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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