I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
