I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
