I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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