Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
