you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
well you can't waste a boner
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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