I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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