My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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