first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize