Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
