it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
