she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
