Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Text me some of your sweat
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