The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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