does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize