i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
