wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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