We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
