Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
