i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
