my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize