That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
