i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
