She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
